I talked to myself…

 

At times it is very important for us to fix an appointment with ourselves. It is that time of introspection when you realize and learn what all things you’ve learnt from life. It is that golden moment when you understand that each day has been a learning day. Every day you learn something new that is worth a thought. It improves your personality manifold and it also gives an insight to your inner soul.

I’ve spoken to myself several times recently and have felt that life is a ‘Boxing Game’. It punches you hard, makes you cry, gives stress to you and at times disappoints you as well. It is then when you must understand that you are not declared defeated when you fall down; rather you are considered defeated when you refuse to get up. However hard the blows of circumstances be, make sure that you gather all your courage to get up and speak for yourself. That is your win!

In such situations, when you evaluate, you’ll realize that it were the wrong people, the ones whom you disliked for their behavior, attitude and perception taught you right lessons. You gained priceless experience of life in such scenarios. But you should have the attitude to make the other person appreciate the fact that your back is not a kind of voice mail. If they have the courage, they should be upfront in coming to you and expressing their thoughts in front of you. It is then when the relationships can be maintained transparent.

I also strongly feel that happiness and success go hand-in-hand only in two situations. First when we manage everything when we have nothing and secondly, the way we behave when we have everything. At times success in terms of money and status makes people swollen headed. The reason is still to be established. People forget their journey when they started with merely the blessings of elders. Status makes them forget even the silent sacrifices made by their near and dear ones. Money puts a blindfold on their eyes but on the death pyre nobody has been fortunate enough to take it along; neither to the heaven nor to the hell. That is the most ironical situation of life when nothing goes with the departed soul; only the memories are left behind. The memories are always special. Sometimes, we laugh by remembering the days we cried and sometimes, we cry by remembering the days we laughed.

So, in a nutshell it is nicest to be in someone’s thoughts and safest to be in someone’s prayers. It is then when you have commanded the respect and deserved the best. If a person cannot be at the nicest and the safest place at some point of time in his life, he probably did not understand how to live life. He always remained strangulated in the materialistic world amidst pounds of wealth and meaningless relationships. It is with these thoughts that I realize that there is still more to observe and more to learn from the follies that people around you do. It is time for you to take a break and talk to yourself about the lessons you learn from life.

Until next, keep talking to yourself to learn…

 

Painful journey beginning from gifts to unsolicited credits

Gifts are probably the physical embodiment of love, care and affection. It has emotions attached to them. For some it is also a mark of respect and for others it is a token of love with a message ‘we do care’. In this materialistic world, often these gifts are looked for encashment in terms of their MRP and the brand and if you are fortunate enough to be associated with swarm of people as your family members, you are also destined to be unfortunate to be a ball of comparison.

Though with the end of barter system, goods are being purchased for exchange of money but these goods itself get laced with innumerous emotions for the recipient. Accepting this love-laced gift is also an art which is seldom gifted to people. The person needs to have a distinguished poise to receive it at the other end with equal love and affection. This art cannot be taught. One has to master it and to master one has to feel it and experience the emotions associated with it.

For a tiny tot, a mother’s kiss and a tight hug is the biggest gift; at the same time it is the ultimate feeling for a mother to experience her child in her arms. For a girlfriend the engagement ring is the biggest gift of acknowledgement of the love she showered in the courtship days while for the boyfriend the engagement ring symbolizes the girl’s assurance ‘I’ll always be with you’. For a father, the first job of his child is a gift, for a child a pat on the back by parents is the greatest recognition gift. Now for all these instances, if a token of love is embodied in a small wrapped up object; it becomes priceless.

These wrapped up objects also when exchanged on festivals, occasions, moments of celebration act as remembrance of the person who gave it. God also did not guarantee you the days you’ll survive, He also did not assure you of the fact that people will recognize your efforts, sacrifices, commitments and so He just said that in this materialistic world, you’ll live in an object for those who cannot keep you in their heart. The objects if lay in front of their eyes might bring back the nostalgia of the time spent with you.

You are a part a scenario where nothing but the money counts, you are in a system where emotions have taken a back seat, you are dwelling into a world where you are even being compared for what you gave to the people on various occasions and you soon will be just be out of place and of course out of hearts of many whom you tried to keep in your heart for long; so just chill!!

Welcome to the cold-blooded materialistic world where no one is yours except your parents, siblings, better-half and your offsprings. Friends are the pillars of support. Always be prepared to be recognized and acknowledged for the things you missed. That is the credit you get for doing countless other goodwill gestures, commendable efforts, unsaid and unrecognized sacrifices and at times unplanned budgetary expenditures. All the very best!!

Unsolicited disturbing guests

Life is a beautiful term coined in the dictionary! Indeed it is beautiful for the wide range of species it engulfs, the broad spectrum of emotions it gives us to experience, nice people to associate with, loving human beings we relate to, affectionate living creatures whom we domesticate and take care of, wonderful learning outcomes as we progress, valuable teachings we impart and still a lot more which we cannot pen down but appreciate their fact of existence. Awesome is the word to describe it!!

But at times it does happen that we are not too happy with other creatures’ presence in our lives. The very thought of these creatures disturb us. We don’t even want to think of them and want them to stay away from us for the rest of their lives. How could they disturb us? How could they interfere with our daily routine? Why does it happen that we get perturbed by their presence? Why do they scare us? Why God gave them the liberty to do this?

The fact is that they have a heart beating in them!! But it is also a fact that they have a brain that is doing something really different and that something might not be acceptable to our brain. The result is a conflict. However hard we may try to convince ourselves for the fact that their brain has a limitation to think and act, still we cannot love them by all our heart.

Yesterday was a horrifying experience for me. I really got disturbed by the awful presence of these creatures in my home. I never invited them. The most saddening part was that they sat through the entire afternoon yesterday, troubled us through the evening, scared us through the night and are now actually disturbing me and my family since morning today. If at all my home was so inviting that they really felt ‘Home sweet home’, why on this earth did they think of raiding us in swarms??

I now want to shoo them away, though they are one of the God’s beautiful creations. They are the wasps. They sting. They don’t let us use our balconies. They don’t let us keep our doors open. They don’t let any of us breathe in the fresh air in our balconies. They are building their hive just next to our balcony…We are trying our level best to get rid of them. Their brain is just not signaling that we hate them. We are sick of them. Now how would God know that though they are just as important as we are to Him, still we cannot think of sharing our space!

This is where God needs to fine tune the brains and the hearts to understand that everyone has their own space and we need to respect that rather than barge in that without a thought. For now, God is making us criminals. In self-defense, we are somehow trying to get rid of these unwanted guests. May the human squad armed with innumerous bottles of Hit, equipped with uncountable coils of Mortein, loaded with nice fuming incense sticks get immediate respite from this buzzing raiding swarm…we are tainted with zzzzzzzzzzz phobia!

Parenting is an art

Nurturing a child's interest is one of the most important aspects of parenting. Many of us try to live our unfulfilled life through our children's lives, which is really shattering for the children. They have to bear the wrath of such desires and high ambitions. The most saddening aspect of this reliving comes alive when this turns out be a never ending vicious circle, the victimized children try to live their dreams through their children now. The thought itself is so confusing that the children are bound to be in shackles.

I being a parent myself have always believed that children have immense potential. It is for you to generate interest in them for various fields. It depends on you - how much capable you are to give them inputs or source inputs for them. Your duty is just to be with them for the support they need, guidance they desire and appreciation they crave for. A small token of appreciation in terms of a nice remark, a warm hug, a pat on the back and light kiss on the cheeks can do wonders for your tiny tot.

It is said "Preach what you Teach". As a doting parent you should set an example in front of your children for anything and everything that you are teaching. Many of us would be outright in setting the 'Do's and Don'ts' but how many of us follow it to roots? It is so easy for each one of us to ask a child not to watch TV after 10 PM, not to eat junk often, not to waste time with friends and acquaintances, and so on. But please ask yourself, how many of you have been successful in implementing the same in your lives too - no TV after 10 PM, no junk on the plate too often, no time-killing with friends and acquaintances? 

If you've been one of those who could achieve these targets for yourself, let me congratulate you for not considering your children as a burden or their priorities and schedules as hurdles. You've been there for their needs and demands and you are treading on the path of setting strong moral values in your children. When these children become critical of your upbringing, they will surely appreciate your decisions and moves in life.

Children are God's wonderful creations and they give you an aim in life. It feels so blessed to have them because these innocent minds have to be carved and crafted for excellence, they have to be moulded for perfection and they have to be prepared to face the adversities of life. Your training should give them confidence to be bold enough to face the world and take up the challenges.

Try to read their interests and minds, and then train them for professional expertise in life. You have to be a mentor and trainer for them. You have to be a disciplinarian but a close friend to them too. They should feel free to confide in you and walk to you to discuss their 'heart and mind'. They should enjoy your company and you should feel honored to be with them through the thick and thin and take them through all the initial phases of life.

Parenting should not be confined to four walls. It is actually training the future leaders who can beautify and uplift the mankind for a promising future. William Ross Wallace had been appreciating the role of mothers in this initiative by writing the poem "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the World". In no way, father's role is demeaning!

Fathers actually play a crucial role in making a child comfortable outside his comfort zone. A father's role is all the more important to prepare the child to face the attrocities of materialistic and self-centered world. He is the guiding light for every child to be brave and strong. He teaches the child to take a stand for everything in life.

Parenting on whole is a wonderful self-learning project, the outcome of which is overwhelming if both mother and father strive to groom the child for being an all rounder rather than an academician, a sportsperson, a musician or a craftsman. Profession would always be a secondary aspect as a parent, because that would be based on child's interest and his meritorious capabilities. These are not going to undermine any individual's efforts.

It is utmost important to teach the child a positive competition that leads to self improvement rather than inculcating a negative competitive spirit that always emphasizes on pulling down the opponent and considering him as a rival. And remember for this too, you will have to preach if you plan to teach! Happy positive parenting :)

Salute to all the great contributors

Though it is strange, but still when I look around, I wonder why people look at a married woman differently?

She might look better dressed, maybe wearing an ornament or two, that mark her married. She might be flashing off her new attire or may be living up to her dreams of putting on a heavy makeup that she could not do before marriage... But still she's a girl at heart! The very basic sindoor and bindi does not make her a woman!

She might be learning how to take care of her home, she might be struggling to take care of not just herself but two and more people, and she might not always like to hear 'what does your husband do'... 

The pious institution of marriage doesn't suddenly turn a girl into a woman. For that matter, having kids doesn't necessarily do the same either. The society needs to be considerate towards the fact that the girl has her own life and her own self defined progress chart. The society needs to celebrate who she really is; celebrate the child in her, she may be anyone around you. She could be your friend, your sister, your mother, or even a total stranger.

She's not supposed to be responsible for innumerous things, countless chores, it's just her desire for perfection that she does what she does.

This is for every wonderful woman you and I know. Let the girl grow up at her own pace; let her take her own sweet time and let the little girl in every woman live forever.

The chivalrous gender should cherish her, spoil her and most importantly let her be what she is. She wasn't born to take care of you, it's her heart that makes her do so....!! Respect her willingness to be for you but don't ever suppress her with undue pressure.

For each effort extended to let her live life her own way, you would be graced with innumerous moments of selfless love, care and affection.

This blog is dedicated to all the wonderful women I know who have lived their life according to their own way and it is also to salute all the wonderful men in their lives who have supported them through the thick and thin to accomplish their goals.

Hats off to all the affectionate fathers, caring brothers, loving husbands and wonderful sons!! The society needs such thoughtful contributors.

Sophisticated and disguised begging system

Greed and lust are two words that drive few humans crazy, making them probably the most insensitive God's creations. I feel God created them to make the others realize that these are the sample pieces whom we should never consider as our role models, these are the people - a little unfortunate though, who have all the things in life but they command no respect from others, who will never be praised behind their backs, who will never be welcomed as a guest of honour!

I know some acquaintances of mine whom I would not name but would say are the most money centric people on this earth. These people have all the comforts and luxuries of life but still their greed and lust to have more and more does not end. The most saddening part is that they now don't want to do hard work to possess the materialistic things but are looking for some petty pennies in the name of culture and traditions from people around them. Aeww!! what an awful thought this is even to pen it down but I write what I see, what I feel and what I want to convey! Can't help it.

How can they not value the relationships between the people, how can they not appreciate the positive things about the people around them and how could they expect the traditional givers (the girl's parents!!; how cheap this thought is :(, but have been seeing this and listening about this off late) to always keep refilling their wealth reservoirs??

I would like to question the originator and also the followers of this custom that where is all the self respect and dignity that they talk off? Where is the poise to stand tall admist this crap?? I'm sure a day would come when people who expect this nonsense would have everything in life but the true wealth of people and emotions would be far away from them. They would long for companionship in life, but would be surrounded by materialistic things in life.

They would probably want to share their joys and sorrows, but no one would pay heed to them because by then everyone would have realized that the age old era of smearing some vermillion and handing over petty cash in the name of respect would be gone forever and ever. The society would come to know about such culprits who don't know how to respect the girl's parents. The girls today are strong and they can take stand for their values and principles. The married girls of today have an opinion that if they can't be loyal to their parents in their early 25 years of existence, they can never be true to their in-laws as well!

I pray that such people should now dare not talk bad about the girl's parents because the days have changed, the society has moved ahead, and nothing other than the God himself is the driving force of our existence.

I would appeal to all the readers to set right all the people who share this crap thought. I feel that the youth of today should come forward and stop, rather eradicate this sophisticated begging system from the society. The trend setters might get a setback, they might be disowned by their loved ones, but who cares if the next generation reaps the benefits of clean relationships sans the typical 'giving and receiving business veiled as a mark of respect according to several regional cultures'.

People would know you by your work, your character and your nature long after you are gone. The wealth accumulated by sophisticated begging would only get you bad name in the society, it would show how weak you were not to earn respect by your deeds. You rather begged for it in a sophistication and were given, due to undue pressure by the circumstances you created. May God unveil all such people and bring to light what they have done in the past, how they have treated their own family members and how sarcastically they are talked about in the society. With this revelation, may the people who are the sufferers be benefitted.

So, the youth of today has to come forward and take initiatives to curb this practice and everyone should pledge to start from their own families and the social circle they live in. With India now becoming Polio free, may India become free from the evils of disguised dowry also. May the culture and tradition of extending the parents responsibility to all the new additions in the family should stop. People should realize that they have a girl from the other family as their daughter-in-law but not her parents have been married off in their family. The daughter-in-law might think of following you but her parents should not be obliged to do so and yes the idea of extending the concept of daughter according to your own sweet will for your own financial gains should definitely be condemned.

COME ON INDIA, LET'S START THIS DRIVE AND GET THE PEOPLE RESPECT GIRL'S PARENTS. After all this is Mother India who needs strong women who can cut across the boundaries and thoughts of weak, selfish and money centric women who look for only 'shagun' envelopes and treat the piece of paper as a trophy of respect.

Paradise on Earth!

It has been quite long since I blogged last. Thanks to the winter vacations that kept me on my toes and an overwhelming pressure in the office that did not give me even a second to think about the miscellaneous things in life! But I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed my last month.

The celebrations and the fun time started off with a very good Christmas party where we, the entire Saxena family and the Verma family gathered together for a lavish lunch followed by exciting rounds of Tambola. Everyone enjoyed a lot, right from the youngest member of the family to the eldest one. We all were gale and hearty to witness the fun and frolic in the air.

All of us decided to carry on this amazing concept of getting together and not loading a single family with all the tasks of arranging for a party. On the 31st, we again decided to have a pot dinner of the Saxenas and the Vermas! Needless to say, Priyanka Saxena and Niharika Saxena were the star performers. Yes, for a family where food is the prime focus and taste buds are always on the look out for the delicacies, these two did an awesome job by making nutritious Raj Kachoris at home. Kudos to their skills. We all were so thrilled by the very sight of the item that we all started to treat our appetites by the Kachoris' appearance and delectable taste. That day also, we had amazing rounds of Tambola where each of us enjoyed a lot. That was followed by Dumb Charades which was equally exciting and acted as a food for laughter.

This get together was followed by a 4 day long stay of my husband's maternal aunts. I must say their trip was really an added treat to all of us and a great change from the monotonous mundane routine. All of us had a great time chit chatting about anything and everything and also we got time to gel well with the elders of the family.

Then yet another get together was the birthday party of Arsh Saxena :) on 11th January. He had come all the way from Bhopal to celebrate his birthday with all of us and this gave us another chance to be together and enjoy each other's company. We had long sessions of gupshups and were all merry with obviously delicious finger licking food. We all appreciated the love of junior Saxenas for each other. Distance does keep them apart but their instincts cannot. Arsh and Medhansh were all for each other. They hugged and kissed each other. They played together and really enjoyed each other's presence. Their innocence and their love was a message for us that we should not look for faults in everyone; rather should appreciate each other as God's wonderful creation!

And the gala time would be remembered by the nostalgic moments spent on Ankur Saxena's birthday on 13th January. Though the group was not complete, still we did not leave a chance to celebrate and laugh till we were completely exhausted.

I really look forward for such fun time amidst the daily hectic routine through the year and for many more years that follow. The sense of togetherness, the feeling of celebration, the joy of each other's presence and the satisfaction of giving our kids a rich cultural heritage miles away from the crappy gossiping world adds value to our heavenly existence in the paradise on earth - yes this is the wonderful paradise nurtured by our beloved grandmother Mrs. Sarla Saxena.

Through the long years of hardships, uncountable sacrifices, immense love and affection she has brought up a family that has strong roots to be together and enjoy life as it comes. Her message to all of us is "Don't ever waste the precious moments cribbing for something that you have not got, rather appreciate each moment as God's wonderful gift to you." Hope we take this value to our next generations too and may she bless us with all her love and affection. Amen!